2009 Review #55: The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

Rated R
(violence and pervasive language)
1 hour 46 minutes

Storyline:
Armed men hijack a New York City subway train, holding the passengers hostage in return for a ransom, and turning an ordinary day's work for dispatcher Walter Garber into a face-off with the mastermind behind the crime. This is a remake of a 1974 film of the same name starring Walter Matthau.

Starring:
Denzel Washington
John Travolta
John Turturro
James Gandolfini

Critics Grade:
D-

My Grade:
B-

So this film is apparently a loose remake of a 1974 thriller of the same name. I've never seen said film, so I cannot compare the two. Critics say the original is much better, and I'm sure they are probably right. By all standards, this should have been a movie I was destined to not like in the least. It's hard these days to take Oscar nominee John Travolta (Pulp Fiction, Face/Off) seriously. But on the other hand Oscar winner Denzel Washington (Training Day, Deja Vu) is usually a reliable performer. But then back on the flip side you have a film directed by Tony Scott, whose films such as Man on Fire, Deja Vu, The Fan, etc have been crapped on critically for being "to much" or "seriously bad over the top action"(even though I typically enjoy them). Then you have the tired storyline of a crazy hostage take who wants a tremendous sum of cold hard cash (10 million dollars in this case) and only wants to deal with a person who has no experience in hostage negotiation. This formula should add up to a pretty ridiculous, over the top and fairly stupid action thriller right?

Well not for me it didn't. I was actually surprised, because I enjoyed this film overall. It is not a perfect movie. It is not in the top ten or twenty action films ever made. It has it's flaws, of course. Yes some of the action does get a little "Tony Scott" on us. But it never escalated to being "to much to handle". There were also numerous moments where the movie would do this weird slow motion thing with the train or the shots of the city that became distracting after a while. There was this elongated action sequence of the money being transferred by the NYPD that became so cliched and annoying. You would have to think they would have had a better method of getting this money over with a deadline of only an HOUR! Instead the whiz through the streets getting in numerous fender benders without a care in the world. I don't know...that part was a little silly to me. Also the constant use of John Travolta's character saying "Mother F**ker" with this weird inflection...bothered me. Ha, whatever though.
Overall those are minor delays, and ones that were to be expected in a film like this. But I thought the movie played out pretty well. There was no ridiculous motive for the villain, no sinister and overly intelligent and well thought out evil plan. The bad guy was smart, but also didn't think things through. He screws up a few times. Almost "humanizes" the guy in a strange way. I have to say too, Travolta was actually pretty darn good in this movie. He had every opportunity to just go nuts with this performance and fall into the crazy hostage taker cliched role but I don't think he did. He was actually pretty cool. I mean he wasn't to far off from said cliche, but he was different enough for me to like. Also good was Denzel. Duh. The guy is almost always good in anything he does. He plays his character so calm and collected but also shows some bad ass tendencies. You really like his character even though he isn't the best person in the world. He was funny at times, and just really good. Great job from both leads.

Tony Scott's direction was pretty normal for him again here. Yes there were some insane over the top moments, but this film was more toned down for him I thought. I think he handled the film well. You don't have this awesome screenplay, so he did what he could for the film and relied on strong performances from the two leads to carry the movie along the way. I also liked how he tried to humanize a couple of the hostages. Most of the time, we see very little of the victims, only glances. For the most part, it's the same here, but they showcase a couple hostages enough for us to know they do exist in the movie and that we are supposed to care for their safety. So pretty good job there.

You are probably thrown off by the fact that I liked this movie, but whatever I'm in a good mood today! This is just a fun, entertaining flick that passes the time really well. I would totally suggest it to people who are into a movie like this. It's not as terrible as you may thing or as the critics are letting you on. It's not the coolest action movie of the year, duh! But it still holds it's own I think. Good flick! So sue me!

2009 Review #54: Adoration

Adoration

Rated R
(Language)
1 hour 41 minutes

Storyline:
For his French-class assignment, a high school student weaves his family history in a news story involving terrorism, and goes on to invite an Internet audience in on the resulting controversy.

Starring:
Scott Speedman
Rachel Blanchard
Kenneth Welsh
Devon Bostick

Critics Grade:
C+

My Grade:
B-

Oops, I just realized I watched this movie like three or four days ago and forgot to review it. Well I'm going to keep this review very short, so I'm sorry in advance.

This was definitely a good movie. It was certainly well made and had some fairly good performances all around. The first two acts of the film were the best aspects of the story. It was really interesting and I found it to be quite captivating. However, the last act of the film seemed to spiral downwards in a direction I was disappointed by quite honestly. I almost felt like the first two thirds did not tie in to the "climatic" last third. All the events in the beginning and middle seemed to just be forgotten about by the end. Maybe I missed something, which is certainly a possibility but...as of now I did not understand why the movie concluded the way it did without really wrapping the whole story up. They hinted at this teacher being fired, and the boy being caught for what he was doing but we never actually see this happen, it's as if it all just a minor after thought. Even though it was the prominent aspect of the story.

So I don't know. I'm not really knocking the overall film, because for the most part it was actually pretty good. This isn't a movie everyone is going to see, I just happened to find it on Netflix one day and thought I'd check it out. If you are into indy type dramas with fairly unknown casts...I'd say sure...check this movie out. Otherwise, most people I know wouldn't care a less for this movie.

2009 Review #53: Dance Flick

Dance Flick

Rated PG-13
(crude and sexual content throughout, and language)
1 hour 24 minutes

Storyline:
Spoof comedy about Street dancer Thomas Uncles is from the wrong side of the tracks, but his bond with the beautiful Megan White might help the duo realize their dreams as the enter in the mother of all dance battles.

Starring:
Shoshana Bush
Damon Wayans Jr.
Critics Grade:
F-

My Grade:
D-

OK so I admit...I was bored. Also Netflix is being totally stupid about sending me movies, everything is a "Long Wait". So I was partially desperate to have them send me ANYTHING. So...I got Dance Flick, the new spoof comedy from the Wayan's family that basically spoofs all those great dance movies out there. Now I typically don't like these movies after the great travesties called "Meet the Spartans" and "Disaster Movie" but what the hell...you have to watch a dumb movie every once in a while right? Right??? Anyone????

Dance Flick is just that...a really dumb movie. It's hard to review a spoof movie though, because they are intentionally bad. They have intentially corny storylines and intentionally bad acting. I'm cool with that. These movies bank on their styles of humor and hope that they can make audiences laugh. I'll admit...I laughed more in this movie that those other two garbage films I listed above. Not saying much though, because I only laughed about four or five times. The rest of the jokes were all so cliched and just so bad. I mean really really bad. Really outdated and so forced that it just stunk up the whole movie.

So I'm not going to ramble on to much about it. This movie has some good funny moments, but a rare few. That's why I didn't give it an F grade. I've actually seen worse movies than this, this year. Believe it or not! At least it was kind of entertaining...at least that's what I keep telling myself.

2009 Review #52: 2012

2012

Rated PG-13
(intense disaster sequences and some language)
2 hours 38 minutes

Storyline:
An epic adventure about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the survivors.

Starring:
John Cusask
Chiwetel Ejiofor
Amanda Peet
Thandie Newton
Oliver Platt
Danny Glover

Critics Grade:
F

My Grade:
D

Ok so I'm a liar. I may have said or at least implied to some people, that I would never see this film. Based off the previews, the movie looked just stupid to me. It looked like just yet another giant special effects (and bad special effects at that) movie about the end of the world. A movie we've seen so many times before, but now we have one with the 12/21/12 end of the world storyline those pesky Mayan's predicted many a moon ago. But yes, I did see this film. Listen, I enjoy hanging out with my friends. A good buddy and I go and see movies a lot...we were going to see Pirate Radio...but I guess we both felt like a good laugh...so we decided to see John Cusask in "2012".

Well, this wasn't the worst movie of the year, it has that going for it at least. This wasn't a truly AWFUL film. Hell it even had some borderline redeeming qualities (mainly the great Woody Harrelson in a brief role). But overall, yes, this was a fairly bad film in most aspects. Clearly this film is not going to have a profound storyline, I get that, and I accept that. Clearly it's not going to have an Oscar worthy performance from anyone. This movie, and all movies like this, rely on the entertaining and "bad ass" factor. This movie wasn't all that entertaining and certainly not "bad ass" in anyway. I actually thought it was a bit boring and ran just a tad to long (It's 2 hour and 40 minutes for petes sakes!!).

I think we got MOST of the "cool" special effects shots in the previews for the film. There's a lot of gap between the action in the film. When the action happens, it's all so...blah. The same crap we have seen time and time again. A bunch of cities and famous landmarks get demolished by various weather disasters or what have you. Volcanoes destroying national parks, major earthquakes sucking in major cities into the vast abyss. Blah blah blah. Been there, done that. The other half of the movie is the main characters trying to escape such chaos...and in such over the top, insane ways. For God's sake, if you have a plane, fly UP...not down and towards the destruction. But again...those scenes are there for our "entertainment". The scenes of these people just barely escaping death from horrific events became almost irritating and had no tension. Then it had all the cliched moments such as: the lives of thousands of human's rest in the hands of a mere book author who has to go on a suicide mission to save everyone. But before that, as the clock is ticking down, he of course must say his "I love yous" and make out with his estranged ex-wife for a minute or two. These types of moments just become so frustrating after a while. Not because they are unrealistic...because they are tiring and cliched.

The visual effects, for the most part looked pretty bad. There were times where I thought I was watching some kind of XBOX 360 game or something. They looked realistic enough for a video game...but not a major film if you catch my drift. A lot of them had this "cartoony" look to them too, almost to a point where they were just silly! It had some cool shots, mainly the rushing waves of water pouring over mountain tops...that was pretty cool looking. But the fire effects, and things going "boom"...all looked so corny. I've seen much better special effects in many other movies. The camera work also drove me nuts. Hell if people can complain about the hand held camera work in movies like "Cloverfield" and "Blair Witch" you can't tell me this movie didn't make you feel slightly sick. The camera was just all over the place and it was driving me bonkers!

Here's my main issue with the film. The whole 2012 thing is a big deal right now...it's the new vampire thing (in the past year or two vampires have taken over TV and film). They are now making a TV show based on the after effects of the 2012 disaster. Please stop! But anyway, the 2012 thing is a big deal and this movie was advertised like it was ALL about our impending doom the Mayan's predicted would happen. Here's the thing...I think I counted 1 very minor scene and maybe one kinda sorta big scene where they even bothered to mention the whole Mayan prediction. It was basically an afterthought!! It was barely mentioned! Then they threw all this science mumbo jumbo in our faces and boom...we were completely distracted away from the Mayan storyline...that never really existed in this film. Talk about a deceiving marketing ploy! All this movie turned out to be was a big hoax...just like the 2012 thing in real life. All it was, was an excuse to make another big budget end of the world disaster flick...and how do you get people to see it...eh, say it's all about the 2012 business...that will fill seats right? Well...it did, and everyone was duped! Sad!

I'm not proud I suffered through this film...but like I said...I enjoy hanging out with my friends and seeing crap movies sometimes! Sue me! I can't stop you from wasting your money on this film, who knows, maybe you will find it entertaining. I certainly did not. My friend also did not and he's less of a movie snob than I am. We both found the whole movie to be laughable...and yes, we laughed a few times in the film at parts that weren't meant to be funny. Whatever though, I'm just stupid movie snob right? Ha! Whatever, I like a good, ridiculous action flick just as much as everyone else...this one just fails in so many categories. Boo "2012", Boo! Hell I think last year's "Disaster Movie" was a better disaster movie than this...ooooooooh!

2009 Review #51: The Box

The Box

Rated PG-13
(thematic elements, some violence and disturbing images)
1 hour 54 minutes

Storyline:
A small wooden box arrives on the doorstep of a married couple, who know that opening it will grant them a million dollars and kill someone they don't know.

Starring:
Cameron Diaz
James Marsden
Frank Langella

Critics Grade:
F

My Grade:
F-

You may be thinking, "Really Mike, you gave this movie an F-??" You may also be thinking, "How can this possibly be a film that deserves the lowest possible grade when you gave a movie like 'Meet Dave' a D??" Here's my answer: I have never, and I mean NEVER been so unbelievably pissed off from watching a movie like I did after watching this crap fest called "The Box". The trailer for this film should win some award titled 'Most Misleading Trailer Award." You see the trailer for this film and you might think, "Oh that looks like it could be somewhat of an original thriller about some psycho who makes a happy couple kill a random stranger for a million bucks." If you thought that, you were wrong. You were very, very, very wrong. Like me. Sure it has a creepy old man who offers a million dollars for a seemingly nice, but struggling couple to press a button that would kill a random person somewhere in the world. But there is SO much that trailer does not tell you. I had NO idea this movie would go the direction it went in...and I still have no idea what it is exactly I witnessed in this film.

***SPOILER ALERT*** This movie I think...I THINK...is about aliens. The creepy old man was a NASA employee who was struck by lightning and killed. Half of his face is burnt off and now he looks like Harvey Two Face from The Dark Knight. Now he's come back to life as....ummm....well they never truly say. He says the line "I am now controlled by who controls the lightning". So...God maybe? No that can't be right, he's making people kill each other. Well OK, he has "employees" that look like you and me, but act like robots and bleed from the nose. Then there's this apparent portal system that's basically vertical boxes of water free floating. You have three choices, one leads to the right path the other two lead to eternal damnation. Also these...."beings" lets call them, have the ability to make a person deaf and blind permanently but can change them back as long as someone kills another person. The film also tries to deliver a few messages such as: we as a human race are so greedy that we just may do anything not only for money, but for our own selfishness to make ourselves happy and could care a less about others. It also has a biblical reference to Adam and Eve (at least I picked up on it) about how Eve ate the forbidden apple. Except in this movie, the women are far to quick to press that damn button and now the human race and the world has to suffer from their selfish decision. ***END SPOILER ALERT***

So if you read my spoiler paragraph...did any of that make sense to you? Because it sure as hell did not to me when I watched this movie! This has got to be the single most frustrating and confusing movie I've ever seen. There was WAY to much going on and they were trying to feed us WAY to much information. It was mysterious for a good hour and twenty minutes before they really started explaining their twists...which also made no sense. It becomes annoying when they start throwing all of these explanations and reasons for things at you when they become to cluttered and all over the place. I couldn't put any of this film together. The storyline went just way to far way to fast and took the movie to a level that it did not need to venture to. Please if you see this movie (which I don't suggest doing) can you please make some attempt to explain it to me?? Man this movie pissed me off!! I was angry from watching it because of how nonsensical it was.

This really was the very worst movie I've seen for 2009 so far. I'm not typically going to movies this year that I absolutely do not want to see...so I actually wanted to check this movie out. Holy crap was I disappointed and livid after watching it! This may be one of the most upsetting and stupidest movies I've ever had the misfortune of watching. I hated virtually every aspect of it. I'm sorry for the waste of talent of the main cast, what a crappy ass movie to choose to be a part of. All three can do so much better than this filth! I'm sorry...but I HATED The Box. This was a dumb movie than I would not suggest to ANYONE to go see. If you have to see it...wait for it to be on DVD in like...a month and rent it for cheaper. Ugh, this movie was so, SO bad!