The Midnight Meat TrainRated R
Running Time: 1 hr 40 mins
Cast:
Bradley Cooper
Leslie Bibb
Brooke Shields
Vinnie Jones
Critical consensus:
Not Enough Info
Matt's Take:
D-
Mikey @ The Movies Official Rating:
0 out of *****
The premise:
A New York photographer hunts down a serial killer. Based on Clive Barker's short story "Midnight Meat Train"
MY REVIEW
A New York photographer hunts down a serial killer. Based on Clive Barker's short story "Midnight Meat Train"
MY REVIEW
I have the fortunate luck to live in one of the very few cities that is actually showing this film in one of it's "$1" theaters. The movie is getting an extreme limited release, only being showcased in a tad over 100 theaters across our great country. The movie at one point was scrapped from even being released in theaters, then we were told it would get at least 1000, now it's been reduced to dollar cinema theaters...and for good reason.
Midnight Meat Train is already a catchy, unique little title don't you think? That title could suggest a number of things, but sadly it's almost quite litteral. Minus the fact that this sadistic train of torture actually departs after 2 A.M. every day not midnight; but that's its most minor plot flaw. Now listen, I didn't go into this expecting some crazy awesome plot, this is a gory horror movie afterall. I was expecting at least a fun, cheesy horror movie plot that is readily open for some good laughs (not in a good way) with some friends. Yet this movie and its plot were so bland and retarded it didn't even warrant a chuckle from me.
The plot seems simple enough at first: an insane and very large man stalks victims on a subway train and slaughters them in some grotesque ways. His main weapon of choice is a metal mallet. He bashes people upside the head, breaking their necks instantsly, or making their eyes pop out of their skulls in slow motion. The list can go on, believe me. I won't go into any more detail about the story, only that the final 10 minutes or so, in an apparent attempt at a twist goes way off course into the realm of ridiculousness. It was so, SO terrible. Yuck!
The performances are also cheesy, but not entirely awful. Bradley Cooper (TV's Alias) is somewhat standable at first, but then his character goes all obsessive and crazy by the end. His character just didn't seem to have sound reason built into his brain. He follows this crazy killer with his camera, just 6 or 7 feet behind...isn't that a little too risky? Even for a horror movie? He lost me in his performance after he becomes obsessed with snapping pictures of this guy, but it wasn't Bradleys fault. His character was written this way: a freaking retard! Sorry to offend any "slow" people out there, but this character was an idiot. Leslie Bibb (Iron Man, Trick R' Treat), who kept reminding me a lot of Maggie Grace from the first 2 seasons of Lost, also was standable the first half of the movie. Then in the second half, her character goes so far OUT of character, she just loses me. It was kind of frustrating watching these characters fall victim to the cliched horror movie persona. Whatever.
Their were some neat camera shots, especially the blury kind of hazy shots scattered about in the first half. Then it got to be too much with the weird weaving in and out of trains at a fast pace; there were even some Matrix-y type shots that got annoying. There were a few shots that looked very artsy and kind of impressive but didn't do much for me, cause the setting was just so awful. They would have worked better in a more suitable thriller. I was expecting this movie to suck, so I can at least say this movie was NOT dissapointing!
Midnight Meat Train is already a catchy, unique little title don't you think? That title could suggest a number of things, but sadly it's almost quite litteral. Minus the fact that this sadistic train of torture actually departs after 2 A.M. every day not midnight; but that's its most minor plot flaw. Now listen, I didn't go into this expecting some crazy awesome plot, this is a gory horror movie afterall. I was expecting at least a fun, cheesy horror movie plot that is readily open for some good laughs (not in a good way) with some friends. Yet this movie and its plot were so bland and retarded it didn't even warrant a chuckle from me.
The plot seems simple enough at first: an insane and very large man stalks victims on a subway train and slaughters them in some grotesque ways. His main weapon of choice is a metal mallet. He bashes people upside the head, breaking their necks instantsly, or making their eyes pop out of their skulls in slow motion. The list can go on, believe me. I won't go into any more detail about the story, only that the final 10 minutes or so, in an apparent attempt at a twist goes way off course into the realm of ridiculousness. It was so, SO terrible. Yuck!
The performances are also cheesy, but not entirely awful. Bradley Cooper (TV's Alias) is somewhat standable at first, but then his character goes all obsessive and crazy by the end. His character just didn't seem to have sound reason built into his brain. He follows this crazy killer with his camera, just 6 or 7 feet behind...isn't that a little too risky? Even for a horror movie? He lost me in his performance after he becomes obsessed with snapping pictures of this guy, but it wasn't Bradleys fault. His character was written this way: a freaking retard! Sorry to offend any "slow" people out there, but this character was an idiot. Leslie Bibb (Iron Man, Trick R' Treat), who kept reminding me a lot of Maggie Grace from the first 2 seasons of Lost, also was standable the first half of the movie. Then in the second half, her character goes so far OUT of character, she just loses me. It was kind of frustrating watching these characters fall victim to the cliched horror movie persona. Whatever.
Their were some neat camera shots, especially the blury kind of hazy shots scattered about in the first half. Then it got to be too much with the weird weaving in and out of trains at a fast pace; there were even some Matrix-y type shots that got annoying. There were a few shots that looked very artsy and kind of impressive but didn't do much for me, cause the setting was just so awful. They would have worked better in a more suitable thriller. I was expecting this movie to suck, so I can at least say this movie was NOT dissapointing!
CURRENT MIKEY @ THE MOVIES AWARDS NOMINATIONS:
- Worst Dramatic Film of the Year
To view this films theatrical trailer, click this link: Midnight Meat Train
*This is the 75th new film I've seen and reviewed this year.*This is a limited release film.
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