House
Rated R
1 hour 28 minutes
Storyline:
In rural Alabama, two couples find themselves in a fight for survival. Running from a maniac (The Tin Man) bent on killing them, they flee deep into the woods and seek refuge in a house. They soon realize the killer has purposely lured them to this house and that they are now trapped.
Starring:
Reynaldo Rosales
Heidi Dippold
Julie Ann Emery
J.P. Davis
with Michael Madsen
Critics Grade:
F- (out of only 13 reviews)
My Grade:
F-
OK so I told myself, if I'm going to start reviewing movies again this year, I am only going to watch movies that I legitimately want to see. It truly shames me to say that yes, I did actually want to watch this movie by reading the premise. At first read, I thought this was a haunted house movie with some weird killer on the lose inside the house. That to me seems kind of interesting, so sue me! I never actually saw a trailer for it, and you know what...it was one of my instant views on Netflix, so whatever.
2008's House is by far one of the worst motion pictures I think I have ever seen in my life. This wasn't even a straight to DVD movie as it appeared to be, oh no, it was given a limited release in theaters last year. I don't even think I could BEGIN to describe the incredibly messy plot line. There was SO much going on, and literally NONE of it made a lick of sense. Nothing came together in the end, it had to be the most lazily written screenplays in the history of cinema. The characters were downright awful and unlikeable in every single way. Their stories were dumb. The story of the creepy people living in this house was pure idiocy. Were they ghosts? What the heck were they doing there? Who were they? That's never told to us.
And this tin man fella? Never was explained where he came from or why he does these things. And his character was stupid, he was in maybe four scenes in the movie and really wasn't that scary of a killer because he doesn't actually do a thing to anyone. Nothing I tell you! We don't know his motives, we know nothing. Well we are briefly told he goes after "sinners" (this by the way is a very sad attempt at a Christian themed horror movie). Oh and there was also some creepy little girl who for some reason was locked in some large cargo container in the house. We don't ever know who she is. We don't ever know where she came from. We never find out why the tin-man hates her so much and wants her dead (which I think she already was dead???? I don't know). I assume she was meant to be the "savior" character based off what happens to her and the tin-man was the devil character, but that was so poorly pieced together.
**SPOILER ALERT**
In the end two of the main characters die and we never see them again. The creepy house people "die" and the tin man is "vanquished". When the two primary characters escape...we learn they were ghosts the whole time. What?! Not even shocking, just...what?!?! They seem their dead bodies on the side of the road. But suddenly the walk over their bodies and their ghosts go back into the bodies and they are alive! It was meant to be a twist, but it all happened so fast that we just don't care. The characters didn't even seem to care. But they wake up and I assume it was supposed to represent their new look at life (in a Christian way I guess...I think...I don't know). Then they walk away only to see the tin man (who's also the sheriff by the way...ugh, dumb) and the creepy family from the house alive as can be and creepy as can be.
**END SPOILER ALERT**
Seriously one of the WORST pieces of garbage ever put to film. It such a mess, and it all over the place. It never makes sense, you never really know what the heck is going on. The wrap up is so retarded and just...just don't ever see this movie a day in your life. Again, that's just my opinion. Or you know what, if you want to have fun and watch a really crappy movie with some friends to laugh at...please rent this movie. That's all it is good for...a good hearty laugh at it's expense. Terrible movie.
2008's House is by far one of the worst motion pictures I think I have ever seen in my life. This wasn't even a straight to DVD movie as it appeared to be, oh no, it was given a limited release in theaters last year. I don't even think I could BEGIN to describe the incredibly messy plot line. There was SO much going on, and literally NONE of it made a lick of sense. Nothing came together in the end, it had to be the most lazily written screenplays in the history of cinema. The characters were downright awful and unlikeable in every single way. Their stories were dumb. The story of the creepy people living in this house was pure idiocy. Were they ghosts? What the heck were they doing there? Who were they? That's never told to us.
And this tin man fella? Never was explained where he came from or why he does these things. And his character was stupid, he was in maybe four scenes in the movie and really wasn't that scary of a killer because he doesn't actually do a thing to anyone. Nothing I tell you! We don't know his motives, we know nothing. Well we are briefly told he goes after "sinners" (this by the way is a very sad attempt at a Christian themed horror movie). Oh and there was also some creepy little girl who for some reason was locked in some large cargo container in the house. We don't ever know who she is. We don't ever know where she came from. We never find out why the tin-man hates her so much and wants her dead (which I think she already was dead???? I don't know). I assume she was meant to be the "savior" character based off what happens to her and the tin-man was the devil character, but that was so poorly pieced together.
**SPOILER ALERT**
In the end two of the main characters die and we never see them again. The creepy house people "die" and the tin man is "vanquished". When the two primary characters escape...we learn they were ghosts the whole time. What?! Not even shocking, just...what?!?! They seem their dead bodies on the side of the road. But suddenly the walk over their bodies and their ghosts go back into the bodies and they are alive! It was meant to be a twist, but it all happened so fast that we just don't care. The characters didn't even seem to care. But they wake up and I assume it was supposed to represent their new look at life (in a Christian way I guess...I think...I don't know). Then they walk away only to see the tin man (who's also the sheriff by the way...ugh, dumb) and the creepy family from the house alive as can be and creepy as can be.
**END SPOILER ALERT**
Seriously one of the WORST pieces of garbage ever put to film. It such a mess, and it all over the place. It never makes sense, you never really know what the heck is going on. The wrap up is so retarded and just...just don't ever see this movie a day in your life. Again, that's just my opinion. Or you know what, if you want to have fun and watch a really crappy movie with some friends to laugh at...please rent this movie. That's all it is good for...a good hearty laugh at it's expense. Terrible movie.
An "F".....yikes!
ReplyDeleteYeah...this really was an "F-" movie...I mean it was God awful!
ReplyDelete