2010 Review #48: The Spy Next Door

The Spy Next Door

Rated PG
(sequences of action violence and some mild rude humor)
1 hour 34 minutes

Storyline:
Former CIA spy Bob Ho takes on his toughest assignment to date: looking after his girlfriend's three kids, who haven't exactly warmed to their mom's beau.

Directed By: Brian Levant

Cast:
Jackie Chan
Amber Valletta
Billy Ray Cyrus
George Lopez

Critics Grade:
12%
(Lacking a script funny enough to cover up for Jackie Chan's fading physical gifts, The Spy Next Door fails on every conceivable level.)

My Grade:
F-

Pardon my French but...holy shit was an awful movie! I can't even pretend to believe this movie would even be enjoyable for a young child. This was a damn unbearable movie to watch from beginning to end. There were a few times where I considered gouging my eyes out because that would seem more enjoyable. Jackie Chan isn't known for his acting abilities but this has got to be his rock bottom in terms of performances. His whole shtick was just dreadful. And don't get me started on those horrible kids. What did they have an open casting call and cast the first few kids that came in? Now children are very innocent things and I hate having to talk crap about them. But man these kids are like listening to nails on a chalk board. But Mike...this is a kids movie, why are you being so harsh?? Why? Because this movie is not even funny. I can't see how a kid could laugh more than once or twice in this movie. Stupid story, really bad comedy, ridiculously awful acting. This is one of the worst movies this year. I hated it.