Rated R
MY REVIEW
Boy oh boy, it's kind of sick that I'm entertained by these straight-to-DVD films. Not entertained in a good way, just that it's fun taking a break from real movies to watch films that are even beneath theatrical garbage like One Missed Call or Meet the Spartans. These films, especially ones like Insantitarium, make those movies look like Oscar gold. OK, maybe that's a stretch. But seriously, I think this movie is actually ten times worse than the last insane asylum based movie I just watched, Asylum.
The story here is as follows: Jesse Metcalf gets himself locked up in a looney bin (even though he isn't crazy) for the purpose of breaking out with his sister (who is crazy, but he believes deep down she isn't). On his journey through this asylum, he learns that the crazy doctor played by Peter Stormare (crazy russian astronaut guy from Armageddon) is doing freak experiments on his patients that has a deadly side effect: basically these experiments turn the patients to zombies. Now the brother and sister duo are on the run, trying to escape that asylum. Again, a story that never had hope of being remotely good. This is like Prison Break: Zombie Asylum edition (Prison Break, a fantastic show that Peter Stormare was actually a part of for 2 seasons).
Everything about this crappy gore-fest of a film is sickening and awful. It is almost non-stop over the top gore (even worse than the Saw films). Of course, all the blood and gore looks incredibly fake compared to a major released film. Still though, there are scenes of: cat's heads being ripped clean off, numerous arms being broken in half and ripped off, countless stabbings, slit throats, a woman eating her own intestines, people being stabbed through the top of their heads, people eating other peoples guts, the list sadly goes on. Theres "torture porn" films like Saw 2 through Saw 4 and Hostel, and then theres this: Zombie porn? Yikes. The budget of the film was obviously around $346 because the effects were like tobassco sauce being squirted at the camera for blood. The sound effects were even worse! Every time someone was stabbed it sounded the same, which I can't possibly describe the sound in my own written words.
Finally, I'd like to point out the attempts at witty one-liners. You know how in action movies when the good guy will say something cool or witty right before he kills the baddie? Example, in the Die Hard films, Bruce Willis says "Yippie-Ky-Yay Mother F***er" before he does something awesome. This film attempts those lines. Some examples: "You're a knockout" or even better, "Consider this my resignation". Picture these quotes in those "tense" moments right before a good guys does something "awesome". Did ya think about it? Amazing huh? That really defines how truly remarkably bad a film can get.
"You've just been reviewed!" *Cue awesome hero moment*
Mikey @ The Movies Official Rating: 0 out of *****
*This is the 68th new film I've seen and reviewed this year.
*This film is now on DVD.
*Straight-to-DVD movies do no qualify for my awards.
Haha this sounds legendarily bad. But sadly its just another straight-to-dvd fare. Why must you do this to yourself? It's one thing to sneak into Disaster Movie next month, but why even review this crap! Haha, still much much funnier than anything in the film I imagine.
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