2010 Reviews #84 & #85: "Red" and "Jackass 3D".

#84: Red. Starring Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Mary Louis Parker and Morgan Freeman. Rated PG-13 and is 1 hour 51 minutes. You can almost call this movie "The Expendables 2". Meaning it has a cast full of older, legendary entertainers that people still love and they are here doing some fun stuff. This probably has to be one of the best casts of a film this year. Not really award worthy casts per say, but just a damn fun and highly entertaining group of people. If you made this movie with maybe a slightly younger cast of unknowns and maybe one big star...this movie would be a dud. It had to these people or no one. Now onto the actual movie. I actually was anticipating a high octane, deeply unrealistic storyline full of over the top ridiculous stunts. In actuality the movie was a bit more subdued in comparison. I mean...it was still a bit crazy on the action but nothing like you would see in something like..."Live Free or Die Hard". The storyline was decent, but we aren't here for a storyline. It was good enough to give us a reason to have these actors together having fun and that's all we can really ask for and all we really need here. All the action scenes were fantastic and clever and it was fun to watch. There was a lot of good humor here, mainly from the eccentric and brilliant John Malkovich. It was freakin' sweet to see Dame Helen Mirren wield a high powered gun and shoot some bitches! Because all the while she still acted like a Queen. It was great! Just go to this movie to have fun, that's all it's really here for. I hate when people go to movies like this and over analyze them and critique them. Those people are stupid. Some movies are only here to be entertaining, not win your snide and cruel affection. I had a blast watching this movie. Critics Grade: 70%. My Grade: B+.

#85: Jackass 3D. Starring Johnny Knoxville, Steve-O, Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn and more. Rated R (there is numerous shots of full frontal male nudity, a few 3D dildos, a whole lot of cussing, and quite a bit of poop, blood and vomit to go around...do not take the kids) and is 1 hour 40 minutes. I used to kind of like the TV version of this movie. I got some good laughs out of this group of grown men injuring themselves and getting up, brushing the dirt off and having a laugh out of it. I even kind of thought the first movie was pretty funny, minus any poop stuff. I never saw the second movie. I guess I kind of grew out of my phase of enjoying this kind of humor. I have nothing against people who still find this funny, because it is still funny from time to time. And by no means do I think it's childish of an adult to laugh hysterically at this kind of film. To each is own of course! I never really intended to add this film to my repertoire of 2010 movies, but it was my best friends birthday and he wanted to see this. Hell I even paid for mine AND his ticket. The things I do for my friends. Sacrifices. I will say that Alex, my friend, thoroughly enjoyed the movie. He laughed a whole ton and I was glad for that. I however, only really laughed heartily about 5 or 6 times. I chuckled a few more times than that and maybe cracked a few smiles. No I don't think I'm better than anyone. This is not me being smug for not laughing at this movie while the rest of the audience did. I get why they are laughing, I really do. Just for me...I didn't laugh as often or as hard. I don't know what else to say. This kind of humor just doesn't appeal to me anymore, but that's just me personally. I mean there were some damn funny parts in this movie, I'm not a total prude! I got really nauseous a few times as well. I mean seeing liquid poop fly at us in 3D is revolting. Seeing a grown man drink the sweat of another man almost did it in for me. I had to turn my eyes away during that scene because I may have had to run to the bathroom to throw up if I watched. Watching these guys vomit countless times just made me queasy. I don't do well with that kind of stuff...ESPECIALLY since this is real, not a fictionalized film. Look, these guys are nuts. They have balls (some of which we actually get to see a few times...even as a gay man I was a bit grossed out at the numerous shots of penis). But they have still managed to stay relevant to a degree and people still like these guys. I don't hate them nor did I hate this movie. It's just the style of humor just goes over my head now...I don't really know why. But I am glad other people enjoy it still. I also want to say that surprisingly this had the best 3D effects I've seen in a movie so far. While the items coming at us were disgusting, at least they actually came up literally right to our faces on some occasions. THAT'S what 3D is supposed to be. So I applaud them for that. Also...nice Beavis and Butthead skit at the beginning...classic! Critics Grade: 67%. My Grade: C-.