2012 Review #26: Lockout

 

Lockout

Rated PG-13

1 Hour 35 Minutes

Starring

Guy Pierce

Maggie Grace

Vincent Regan

Lennie James

Peter Stormare

Story

A man wrongly convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage against the U.S. is offered his freedom if he can rescue the president's daughter from an outer space prison taken over by violent inmates.

Rotten Tomatoes Score

36%

 ("Guy Pearce does the best he can with what he's given, but Lockout is ultimately too derivative and shallow to build on the many sci-fi thrillers it borrows from")

My Grade

C-

I don't really have a whole lot to say about Lockout. It could be because I'm not in a writing mood tonight. Which I suppose isn't fair for the movie I'm reviewing...but Lockout doesn't have much to go on. Not to say it's a horrible movie, because it isn't. I've seen much worse action movies. Lockout though doesn't offer anything all that new or interesting to action movies or sci-fi movies. I do like the premise though of the prison in space where the prisoners are in stasis. Although, it doesn't seem like much of a punishment if they are sleeping the whole time. 

 At any rate, the movie offers some fun, legit action moments and Guy Pierce (Memento, LA Confidential) is great in the lead role. He's funny and tough and just plain likeable. He should do more roles like this. Maggie Grace (TV's Lost, Taken) is OK but was hard to take her seriously as...whatever she was supposed to me. A brainy doctor/Presidents daughter. The whole storyline involving her and her wanting to uncover the medical mistreatment of the prisoners was kind of wasted and pointless. They barely made mention of it. The Guy Pierce conspiracy storyline was also so nonchalantly put into the story up until the end when the big bad guy is revealed (how could you not see that one coming?)...it just seemed so unfitting. The prisoners were kind of cool but their plan and roles in the movie were just thrown together with the two other story lines and the whole thing was just muddled and all over the place. To much going on.

But this is a mindless action movie, you can't expect great things from it's story. If you want action, you will get it with this movie. Sometimes it takes a while to get to the cool stuff, and all the in between scenes are to silly and boring for my liking. Not all the stunts were fun, but for the most part, it works well. This is just another one of those action flicks that's enjoyable the first time if you don't feel like using your brain at all. But honestly, it will be forgettable.

2012 Review #25: The Pirates! Band of Misfits

The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Rated PG

1 Hour 28 Minutes

Voices Of

Hugh Grant

Imelda Staunton

David Tennant

Jeremy Piven

Salma Hayek 

Story

Pirate Captain sets out on a mission to defeat his rivals Black Bellamy and Cutlass Liz for the Pirate of the year Award. The quest takes Captain and his crew from the shores of Blood Island to the foggy streets of Victorian London. 

Rotten Tomatoes Score

87%

(It may not quite scale Aardman's customary delirious heights, but The Pirates! still represents some of the smartest, most skillfully animated fare that modern cinema has to offer.)

My Grade

B+

Pirates! Band of Misfits is from the minds of the creators of "Chicken Run" and the popular "Wallace & Gromitt" series. I've been a big fan of Wallace & Gromitt since I was I first introduced to them in an art class in junior high. Even though I'm now a 27 year old adult, I still find them to be quite charming and funny. Part of me was hoping I'd find all of that charm and witty humor here in this new Pirates movie, but alas, you can't always get what you want. Don't misconstrue that for thinking I hated this movie, actually I found it quite enjoyable. It just wasn't on par with the creators earlier works.

Anytime you take pirates, who are supposed to be tough, fearless, rugged men of the high seas and turn them into silly swashbuckling idiots, you know you are in for a good time. These Pirates are probably the goofiest to be on the big screen in quite some time, crazier then Jack Sparrow even. They have no idea what they are doing but they try so hard to be good pirates. They have have a Pirate Captain of the year award which is where the story comes into play. Our main hero and his crew try to capture a lot of booty (teeheehee) by raiding ships full of ghosts, school children, and lepers. Ha. It's within this tale that we get some genuine silly comedy that's really perfect for all ages. That's what I love about the guys who made this film and the Wallace and Gromitt series. They know how to blend humor into their stories that are appropriate for kids but teeter on the edge for being for adults with some borderline risque jokes. They have a good writing team, and they didn't fail here.

 Where the real magic lies with Pirates is it's voice over work and animation. Hugh Grant (About a Boy, Nine Months) voices The Pirate Captain, our hero. I'll be damned if I told you I knew it was him. To be quite honest, his voice was almost unrecognizable for most of the movie. He does a solid job at becoming this character and not just lending his famous voice to the movie. A lot of big actors will do that. They will do an animated film and do nothing with their voice. I love that Grant gave this role some energy and just made his Pirate Captain character quite lovable and someone to really root for. Oscar nominee Imelda Staunton (Vera Drake, Harry Potter series) does evil so well. She really has that perfect sinister tone to her voice that can make anyone quiver. Also the animation/claymation work here was spot on perfect. The moves were flawless. I respect people who do this kind of animating because I'm sure it takes a LOT of patience and energy and when they do it as good as this, bravo to them!

So overall, I found The Pirates! Band of Misfits to be a solid addition to the repertoire of Peter Lord and Jeff Newitt. It doesn't have all the magic and charm of Wallace & Gromitt or even Chicken Run, but it's still a very fun piece of work. It's fast paced, and is perfect for your kids to see! It's a film that's really good for all ages.

First Images from Tarantino's "Django Unchained"

Here are the first two official images from the new Quentin Tarantino movie "Django Unchained". Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jamie Foxx and Christoph Waltz.

Show's Worth Re-Watching: Mystery Science Theater 3000!

 Otherwise known as MST3K, it first began as a local show on KTMA-TV back in 1988. It finally became a big thing when it debuted on Comedy Central in 1989 and I believe it eventually moved over to the Sci-Fi network, but I'm not 100% sure on that one. The show as originally created by Mike Nelson who was actually not the original star of the show, but did end up becoming the human face of MST3K. The idea of the show was about a man (originally Joel Hodgson) who was forced into space and had to live aboard the Satellite of Love with robot companions. Down on Earth an evil mad scientist (Dr. Forrester) would send awful movies to Joel and his crew to sit and suffer through. These were meant as experiments and were supposed to break Joel but that was never the case.

The core of MST3K was the movies. Joel (later it would be Mike) would sit in the theater with his robot pals Crow and Tom Servo (a gumball machine with a mouth and arms) and watch these B movies that were just plain terrible. The three pals would rip the movie apart with their zany, witty comments. They would literally talk almost the entire time and pretend to be characters in the movie saying ridiculous and hilarious things. This was a great show for friends who like to watch flicks and talk through them mouthing over the actors. MST3K was arguably one of the funnier shows to ever grace our TV sets. It's a classic.

The final episode aired in 1999 with Mike and his robot friends finally being sent back to earth. And what was the first thing they did? Sat down on the couch to watch a movie. The movie they watched was "The Crawling Eye" which actually the very first movie they riffed on when the show debuted on Comedy Central. In 1996 they took their TV gig to the big screen with a theatrically released film. It was all the same concept just on a larger screen. This time they spoofed the movie "This Island Earth" and it was a GREAT movie. Well...the MST part was...not the movie they ripped apart.

When it ended in 1999 this young lad (I was about 15 or so) was very upset. I was really sad to see these guys go. Years later the gang would resurface! Mike Nelson and his vocal counterparts Trace Beaulieu and Kevin Murphy started a website called Rifftrax (www.rifftrax.com). On there you can download TONS of audio tracks where they spoof a bunch of popular well know movies such as Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Twilight, the list goes on. They even did ones on the first episodes of "Lost" and "Heroes". You can even find riffs of classic movies like "Halloween" and "Night of the Living Dead". How it works is, you download the audio clip and you have to own the movie, or at least be able to watch the movie because Rifftrax does not provide the actual video. The audio link will prompt you when to pause the audio clip and wait for a moment in the movie to start the track again. This should sync you up with the movie. Throughout the film, you will hear a robotic voice come on a say a line from the movie at the exact same time to know your on the same page. It's not easy to get it perfect which is why they have their own Rifftrax player. Just pop your movie into your computers DVD player and it will automatically sync the movie.

They have expanded a lot recently. They now have featured Rifftrax guys and gals, people like you and me who submit their work and you can download theirs. They have tons of short films you can watch directly, it's awesome! I'm so happy they are back and better than ever! If you feel nostalgic, you can watch a bunch of the classic episodes of MST3k on the Netflix Instant Queue, or you can rent the DVD's directly from them.

At any rate, if you have never been exposed to Mystery Science Theater 3000...you should really check it out! Because it is laugh out loud hilarious!

2012 Review #24: The Three Stooges

The Three Stooges
 Rated PG
1 Hour 32 Minutes

Starring 
Sean Hayes
Will Sasso
Chris Diamontopoulos

Story
 While trying to save their childhood orphanage, Moe, Larry, and Curly inadvertently stumble into a murder plot and wind up starring in a reality TV show.

Rotten Tomatoes Score
 46%(While nowhere near as painful as it could have been, The Three Stooges fails to add fresh laughs to the Stooges' inestimable cinematic legacy.)

My Grade 
C-

This may shock a few people...but this is literally the first time I've ever seen anything related to "The Three Stooges". So if you are looking for a Stooges history lesson in this review, you might want to look elsewhere. I am completely ignorant to their past. So my review of the film is completely biased as this is the first exposure to them I've ever had. It wasn't exactly a good first meeting either I'm ashamed to say.

I'm not here to knock the Three Stooges as America knows and loves them. From what I hear, these updated Stooges are fairly accurate and do some decent justice to the stooges of years past, but I guess you had to be there to get it. I just did not get the humor here. I can totally see how kids would go crazy over a movie like this though. Three grown men who act like buffoons who poke each other in the eyes, knock each other over the head with sledgehammers, fall off roofs, etc without inflicting any hint of injury. All the while funny little sound effects accompany all these hi jinks. Again, kids will find this to be a riot and older adults will find this to be a great moment of nostalgia.

But I just didn't get it. I only laughed a few times, because there were a few crazy moments that were pretty fun to watch, which is why it got a C- from me. But these funny moments were far and few between for me. I could only take so much of the same slapstick humor over and over again. To me, it got boring and tiring. The jokes that didn't include the antics of the stooges were just not funny. Basically anything involving the nuns who never aged, and the nun played by a man. Or the whole storyline involving the "Jersey Shore" idiots. I just found most of it to be so bland and just plain dumb.

This kind of humor just isn't all that relevant anymore. Kid films have greatly evolved into the crap we have on Nick and Disney Channels. Kids will still chuckle at the insanity of this trio, but it's not their cup of tea these days. It's definitely not mine. I will probably be hated on for dissing the movie. Just keep in mind, I'm not putting the Stooges down, I'm putting down this attempt at reviving them. I don't have much to really say about this movie. It was just so generic and almost unfunny. I liked the guys who played the stooges, I though Will Sasso was great and Sean Hayes was pretty good too! I liked the small roles from people like Jane Lynch and Sophia Vergara...but I don't know, this movie was just blah.

2012 Review #23: Playback

Playback

Rated R

1 Hour 38 Minutes

Starring

Johnny Pacar

Toby Hemingway

Ambyr Childers

Jennifer Missoni

Jonathan Keltz

Alessandra Torresani

Christian Slater

Story

A cop investigates the case of a missing local teen, though he discovers a dark secret that has been unleashed in his town, and an evil spirit that will stop at nothing to find its heir.

Rotten Tomatoes Score

NA

My Grade

F

*Will contain plot spoilers*
Playback is probably one of the stupidest horror movies I've seen in a long time. Not counting straight to DVD ones which are born bad. But I mean this movie is painfully awful. Here's the biggest thing that was just stupid: the description of the movie says it's about a cop who investigates the disappearance of a local teen and discovers a deep dark secret that will destroy the town. This cop they refer to is played by Christian Slater. There is literally one scene in the movie where he "investigates" this missing teen (an even that randomly happens about 30 minutes into the movie). He barely does any investigating. All he does is talks to a teen girl but it's more about him being creepy towards her.

You see, his only real role in the movie is to get spy cam footage of teen girls undressing in locker rooms from one of the main teens in the movie who works at the local news station. Slater is in maybe 3 or 4 scenes in the movie and has no importance whatsoever in the movie. Maybe there was another take of the movie that had him more prominent in the story and being an actual cop, but the director probably thought it was to good. He didn't even need to be a cop...his police work was pointless. He was just a creepy old perv who dies by getting his head blown off and his death was even insignificant. Point being, don't label this movie as something that it isn't.

The main focus on the movie is the group of teens who try to recreate a town tragedy where a man killed his whole family and the only survivor was a little baby. This psycho was apparently possessed by some kind of demon who is able to travel through video camera and video playbacks. Well it transfers itself into one teen and he goes on a killing rampage. The movie is just silly. It's pointless. It offers nothing new to the horror genre in fact it puts a major ding in the genre. Maybe I'm on a horror movie high after seeing the brilliant "Cabin in the Woods", I don't know. But Playback was utter shit. Everything about it sucked. The "teens" who were probably in their late 20's were terrible, and the police captain/mom of our main hero was even worse. It wasn't scary. It wasn't thrilling.

Call me an asshole, call me a movie snob. Call me whatever you want...but it won't change the fact that Playback is one of the stupidest, and down right worst horror movies in recent memory. Just...horrible.