The Box
Rated PG-13
(thematic elements, some violence and disturbing images)
1 hour 54 minutes
Storyline:
A small wooden box arrives on the doorstep of a married couple, who know that opening it will grant them a million dollars and kill someone they don't know.
Starring:
Cameron Diaz
James Marsden
Frank Langella
Critics Grade:
F
My Grade:
F-
Rated PG-13
(thematic elements, some violence and disturbing images)
1 hour 54 minutes
Storyline:
A small wooden box arrives on the doorstep of a married couple, who know that opening it will grant them a million dollars and kill someone they don't know.
Starring:
Cameron Diaz
James Marsden
Frank Langella
Critics Grade:
F
My Grade:
F-
You may be thinking, "Really Mike, you gave this movie an F-??" You may also be thinking, "How can this possibly be a film that deserves the lowest possible grade when you gave a movie like 'Meet Dave' a D??" Here's my answer: I have never, and I mean NEVER been so unbelievably pissed off from watching a movie like I did after watching this crap fest called "The Box". The trailer for this film should win some award titled 'Most Misleading Trailer Award." You see the trailer for this film and you might think, "Oh that looks like it could be somewhat of an original thriller about some psycho who makes a happy couple kill a random stranger for a million bucks." If you thought that, you were wrong. You were very, very, very wrong. Like me. Sure it has a creepy old man who offers a million dollars for a seemingly nice, but struggling couple to press a button that would kill a random person somewhere in the world. But there is SO much that trailer does not tell you. I had NO idea this movie would go the direction it went in...and I still have no idea what it is exactly I witnessed in this film.
***SPOILER ALERT*** This movie I think...I THINK...is about aliens. The creepy old man was a NASA employee who was struck by lightning and killed. Half of his face is burnt off and now he looks like Harvey Two Face from The Dark Knight. Now he's come back to life as....ummm....well they never truly say. He says the line "I am now controlled by who controls the lightning". So...God maybe? No that can't be right, he's making people kill each other. Well OK, he has "employees" that look like you and me, but act like robots and bleed from the nose. Then there's this apparent portal system that's basically vertical boxes of water free floating. You have three choices, one leads to the right path the other two lead to eternal damnation. Also these...."beings" lets call them, have the ability to make a person deaf and blind permanently but can change them back as long as someone kills another person. The film also tries to deliver a few messages such as: we as a human race are so greedy that we just may do anything not only for money, but for our own selfishness to make ourselves happy and could care a less about others. It also has a biblical reference to Adam and Eve (at least I picked up on it) about how Eve ate the forbidden apple. Except in this movie, the women are far to quick to press that damn button and now the human race and the world has to suffer from their selfish decision. ***END SPOILER ALERT***
So if you read my spoiler paragraph...did any of that make sense to you? Because it sure as hell did not to me when I watched this movie! This has got to be the single most frustrating and confusing movie I've ever seen. There was WAY to much going on and they were trying to feed us WAY to much information. It was mysterious for a good hour and twenty minutes before they really started explaining their twists...which also made no sense. It becomes annoying when they start throwing all of these explanations and reasons for things at you when they become to cluttered and all over the place. I couldn't put any of this film together. The storyline went just way to far way to fast and took the movie to a level that it did not need to venture to. Please if you see this movie (which I don't suggest doing) can you please make some attempt to explain it to me?? Man this movie pissed me off!! I was angry from watching it because of how nonsensical it was.
This really was the very worst movie I've seen for 2009 so far. I'm not typically going to movies this year that I absolutely do not want to see...so I actually wanted to check this movie out. Holy crap was I disappointed and livid after watching it! This may be one of the most upsetting and stupidest movies I've ever had the misfortune of watching. I hated virtually every aspect of it. I'm sorry for the waste of talent of the main cast, what a crappy ass movie to choose to be a part of. All three can do so much better than this filth! I'm sorry...but I HATED The Box. This was a dumb movie than I would not suggest to ANYONE to go see. If you have to see it...wait for it to be on DVD in like...a month and rent it for cheaper. Ugh, this movie was so, SO bad!
***SPOILER ALERT*** This movie I think...I THINK...is about aliens. The creepy old man was a NASA employee who was struck by lightning and killed. Half of his face is burnt off and now he looks like Harvey Two Face from The Dark Knight. Now he's come back to life as....ummm....well they never truly say. He says the line "I am now controlled by who controls the lightning". So...God maybe? No that can't be right, he's making people kill each other. Well OK, he has "employees" that look like you and me, but act like robots and bleed from the nose. Then there's this apparent portal system that's basically vertical boxes of water free floating. You have three choices, one leads to the right path the other two lead to eternal damnation. Also these...."beings" lets call them, have the ability to make a person deaf and blind permanently but can change them back as long as someone kills another person. The film also tries to deliver a few messages such as: we as a human race are so greedy that we just may do anything not only for money, but for our own selfishness to make ourselves happy and could care a less about others. It also has a biblical reference to Adam and Eve (at least I picked up on it) about how Eve ate the forbidden apple. Except in this movie, the women are far to quick to press that damn button and now the human race and the world has to suffer from their selfish decision. ***END SPOILER ALERT***
So if you read my spoiler paragraph...did any of that make sense to you? Because it sure as hell did not to me when I watched this movie! This has got to be the single most frustrating and confusing movie I've ever seen. There was WAY to much going on and they were trying to feed us WAY to much information. It was mysterious for a good hour and twenty minutes before they really started explaining their twists...which also made no sense. It becomes annoying when they start throwing all of these explanations and reasons for things at you when they become to cluttered and all over the place. I couldn't put any of this film together. The storyline went just way to far way to fast and took the movie to a level that it did not need to venture to. Please if you see this movie (which I don't suggest doing) can you please make some attempt to explain it to me?? Man this movie pissed me off!! I was angry from watching it because of how nonsensical it was.
This really was the very worst movie I've seen for 2009 so far. I'm not typically going to movies this year that I absolutely do not want to see...so I actually wanted to check this movie out. Holy crap was I disappointed and livid after watching it! This may be one of the most upsetting and stupidest movies I've ever had the misfortune of watching. I hated virtually every aspect of it. I'm sorry for the waste of talent of the main cast, what a crappy ass movie to choose to be a part of. All three can do so much better than this filth! I'm sorry...but I HATED The Box. This was a dumb movie than I would not suggest to ANYONE to go see. If you have to see it...wait for it to be on DVD in like...a month and rent it for cheaper. Ugh, this movie was so, SO bad!
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